Indian Samurai इंडियन सामुराई

Some fun in the ‘Back room’ of Immigration at Chicago airport – where only privileged people (like me) suspected of coming to stay illegally are asked to visit.

I was sitting there, waiting for my turn (or for officers to wake up as I was apparently the first one at 6 AM), when a couple of elderly Indians came in.

An officer followed, very jovial, which is very much unusual in the ‘back room’. Apparently, there was something funny going on:

• Officer: Hey, I wanna know, I’m just curious, but what did you do to be arrested for nuisance?
• Indian oldy: Reneumeuleu (inaudible mumbling, language indistinct)
• Officer: No, no, I just want to know, don’t stress!
• Indian oldy: Reneumeuleu (inaudible mumbling, language indistinct)
• Officer (losing the smile): Okay, listen, you have been in the US for 4 years and you don’t speak English?? No?? Police? Arrested? POLIIIIIICE???
• Indian oldy: Reneumeuleu (inaudible mumbling, language indistinct)
• Officer: Oh, so you just dumped waste?
• Indian oldy: Reneumeuleu (inaudible mumbling, language indistinct)

Me: Hahaha, here you go my dear fellow Indians! Maybe India should also fine people for littering?? It could even be more profitable than increasing income tax! (Ok but then there should be proper management of waste collection and disposition, and they are not there yet…)

(Which is all a bit of hypocrite from me, since I got scolded very bad by my favorite Indian for throwing orange peel through the window in Ireland, completely backed up by my mother.)

My father pointed out the other day “Did you see that? Trump has not put India on his list of banned countries for visa! To what I replied that he had obviously not yet done the maths and I would like to be there when he realises that there is the equivalent of one third of the American population of Muslims in India. Trump wanted to stop terrorists coming from Muslim-majority countries – except that none of the 7 countries has perpetrated any terrorist act against the United States in the past 15 years (since Egypt, Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, Afghanistan etc. are not part of this list) (source). There is undeniably an imbroglio between Islam and terrorism, and at the highest level.

A few days later, I was commenting on this discussion with my Indian colleagues. Because I have been thinking that Modi and Trump could be good pals. After all I am pretty sure that the Indian Prime Minister (quite a Hindu extremist) would love to have his wall also, between the India and Pakistan! And he also likes to ban stuff, no more beef, no more porn, no more old notes, no more this, no more that. This led my colleague to conclude that to be re-elected, he would really have to do something “for the people”. And me (naively): “Is it so? Like building houses?” Mr. (Modi) Clean has built 25 million toilets in 2 years, to eradicate open defecation in public (source); so building houses must be good for the people? But no, what the people want is not toilet or houses, it is “the war declared to Pakistan, even nuking them would be better”.  

The same evening, after a long day of work, my nanny, well my son’s nanny really, decided to give me her opinion on terrorism. I must say I was listening with only one ear. But I know she resents terrorists because she’s afraid that due to the recent events she won’t get a tourist visa to go work in the United States, after 10 years of waiting for a job offer she just finally got. I was hearing some words: “terrorists, bike, young children, mattresses”. As I was not reacting, she went to get some newspaper clipping and she waved it under my nose: “No, but can you believe that, how do they dare enrolling young children in these terrorist activities?”

- “But, Helen, these people, they are fleeing terrorism it!” (She had obviously missed reading the legend).

- “Really??? Are you sure? But they look like terrorists don’t they?”

- “But Helen! All Muslims are not terrorists...!”

Helen wrapped up article, not really convinced.

The people have spoken... ;(

A few weeks ago, Modi, the Prime Minister, was a God for our nanny. The communication campaign which aimed at ‘making demonetization a feat’ and presenting him as a ‘Robin Hood of modern times who takes black money from the rich to redistribute to the poor’ had worked.

And here she comes back from holidays, completely upset with him! Apparently she couldn’t digest his new year speech. Rather than giving quantified results of his coup and details on the exit of the tunnel for cashless people, he talked about the 6,000 rupees that every pregnant woman should receive – which is actually the case since 2013 but there are some small hiccups in implementing this. “All these women are going to make babies and leave them in the street to get their 6,000 rupees! Why doesn’t he speak about job instead?”

My nanny is a Chinese wise woman who wants the fishing rod and not the fish!

“And then he promised housing for everyone and the only things that are built are in villages where nobody wants to go. No. Really we need to fire him!”