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05/24/2012

How to get nicely rid of a neighbour in 4 steps …

When I moved in here, I was full og good intentions … I really wanted to avoid the mistakes I did in Mumbai by not meeting the neighbours which I thought hated me but turned out to be nice when my cat forced me to talk to them. And eventually I did not go and say hi.

Well I did speak with the old woman of the ground floor (I had forgotten my key) but she was least interested, she only wanted to know how she could get in touch with my favorite Indian (they have common connections in the Supreme Court).

I also met my direct neighbour after two months of cohabitation. It was when a carnage had just happened: the stray cat which roams around in the building had smashed my trash bag and it was spread everywhere. I was cleaning (and not waiting for the caretaker of the building to clean as anyone else would have probably done in the building, after what I can see on my neighbours’ landings) when he came to “make me a suggestion”: “To avoid dirtying your landing, and mine, it would be better if you left the trash bag in the staircase. This way, the trash would not be lying in front of our flats when we have guests coming.”

Obviously I could help asking whether it would look better if guests had to jump over the trash in the staircase to reach our floor?? And to tell him that his “suggestion” was not solving the problem.

The following day I bought a very nice sorrel basket with a cover that I leave outside and if any trash of his ever lands on my landing, he will hear about me!!

But let us go back to the main topic … The day I received my stuff from Mumbai, I was quietly unpacking when I heard a conversation. I heard so well, it sounded like they were in my apartment! And they would not stop talking! I started thinking that they had nerve discussing like that right outside my door! And then, horror, I realized that they were in my neighbour’s flat!! The poor wooden door that separates us is of no use. Hell and damnation …

 

On top of that I was thinking of buying a sound system and I was not so comfortable inviting him to the movies, with the sound but not the images! However the home theatre proved useful to cover the chuckles of his chicks and his bollywood music (one or twice I stroke back with jubilation – my sound level is unbeatable!)…

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05/02/2012

How to put an elephant in one’s pocket

 A story that still makes me laugh…

We all have this ball-breaking customer. The one that always nit-picks, who calls ten times a day but that you can not send to hell because 1. he is a customer and 2. he is a good customer.

But anyhow, every time you go see him, you need to get ready to have your brain chewed for one hour… Call me a masochist, but I go there every month. 

He is about sixty years and ninety kilos.

Last time, when my colleague saw him arriving from far, he whispered “here comes the elephant” (he REALLY is a ball-breaker!).

And there followed a crazy dialogue:

- Me: Hello Sir, how are you?

- He (with a great smile): “Ah? you think so??

- Me: ?????

- He: “Yes, perhaps you are right, maybe I have reduced!”  

- Me (starting to understand that he heard me commenting on his weight): “Ah ben yes of course, it is quite visible!”

  That put the guy in the best of moods for the whole meeting!

 We spent the following hour listening to all his grievances and my colleague concluded: “he was in a good mood today” (when he is in a bad mood, you listen to the same complaints but you feel like murdering someone when you get out!).

  This is huge!! I should use this trick again…

 

04/28/2012

The magical product

 I rarely speak about my job but I really like this story… So there it is…

I went to visit to a customer last week who happens to be a pharmacist. A disgusting person to look at. He chews paan continuously (a mixture of betel leef, arequa nut and tobacco) so when he speaks to you, inevitably it is with his mouth full. If it was only that… It overflows from everywhere, he always has some paan juice at the corners of his mouth…

I even marked the red spat of paan I received on my notebook…Really gross.

Besides that he is quite a nice guy though a bit arrogant. He lengthily explained to me how to protect my warehouse from dust. To give more weight to his saying, he showed me my arms and told me “see the skin is dying and it won’t regenerate before two years (ouuuch!)”.

But he has the “magic cream” (I quote), a product “that is not available in India”. It is so good that it lies in a super dusty carton… He opens the tube and put some cream on the arm asking me to rub it and make it penetrate.

Full with good will, I rub. I rub. I rub. The cream/gel starts to make blue sticky balls which get stuck to my arm hairs (even if not so numerous). And they won’t go…

Not really conclusive my friend!! 

Well it’s better to laugh at it… Let’s talk business now!