Indian Samurai इंडियन सामुराई

Being stuck in traffic in India leaves you a lot of time to think… So the other day I was wondering whether they could be a link with the way people drive and who they are.  

Of course it would involve a lot of clichés but the idea is not entirely stupid, in my opinion.

 

Udaipur

 Nooo! I wouldn’t dare to say that just because Indians drive crazy that they are all crazy don’t get me wrong ;) Though...

 

But no, I was rather thinking that the only driving rule in India “always look in front. Not on the sides. Never backward” also applies to the way they drive their lives. Always looking forward rather than dwelling upon the past. It is probably partly linked to India economic development where everything (almost) is yet to be done. But I think it is also in Indians’ nature, “not thinking too much (at least this is the impression they give), future-oriented, enjoying simple moments (you should see our executives starting dancing the moment you play music in a seminar)” kind of nature. 

 

To go back to the Indian driving style, it is every man for himself. There is no conception of “collective well-being”, of “if I let this person go first then I won’t block the whole street for one hour”. Same thing when it comes to queuing. Indians do not wait in lines. I think it is because they don’t really care about others; they only matters. Are they individualistic? I believe they are (except when it comes to family) – and who can blame them? With a population of 1.2 billion, you have to fend for yourself!

 

Now you will tell me, who are you to criticise? Aren’t you French? Ah the French… Possibly the worst drivers in the world (or at least in Europe, let us be fair). I loved that website that described us as “impatient, intolerant and even aggressive maniacs with an unshakeable conviction in our own immortality [and having] little respect for traffic rules, particularly anything to do with parking (in Paris, a car is a device used to create parking spaces)” – the rest is even better, I let you read… So this is how we drive, and a bit how we are also no? Complaining a lot, impatient, undisciplined…

 

Follow me in Germany with this blog. At a signal. “To dare challenge [the red man’s] authority and step gingerly out into a completely empty road when he is still red, is to take great personal risk. Not of getting run over, the road is completely empty after all. Bar being struck by an invisible car, you’re safe. No, what you really risk is the scorn, the tutting and the shouts of “Halt!” from nearby Germans. Who will now consider you an irresponsible, possibly suicidal, social renegade.” Wouldn’t that vouch for the stereotype that Germans are very disciplined and love to follow the rules?

 

The Britishers drive rather carefully… To the point that they themselves are more frustrated by slow drivers than over speeding ones! An illustration of the British phlegm and legendary politeness?* 

 

Maybe I got it all wrong but I had good fun writing that post!

 

To conclude on a funny note, see this joke on driving styles in the world:

 

“One hand on steering wheel, one hand out of window. Sydney 

One hand on steering wheel, one hand on horn. Japan
One hand on steering wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator. Boston
Both hands on steering wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror. New York 
Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat. Italy      

One hand on horn,             
one hand greeting,             
one ear on cell phone,      
one ear listening to loud music,      
foot on accelerator,            
eyes on female pedestrians,           
conversation with someone in next car.        

Welcome to India!!”

Sources:

Living in France: http://www.justlanded.com/english/France/Articles/Travel-Leisure/French-Drivers 

Living in Germany: http://venturevillage.eu/how-to-be-german-part-1 

* Living in the UK: http://www.thecheers.org/Entertainment/article_2222_English-Politeness-and-Manners.html ; http://www.telegraph.co.uk/motoring/news/8649662/Slow-drivers-cause-the-most-frustration.html 

Joke: http://www.asianjoke.com/general/driving_styles_around_the_world.htm

 

Here comes the time of the big move... 

The day before I leave, I meet my girlfriends of the Long Island Lady gang for a final episode of Sex & the City in Delhi.

But before that, I finish packing a few cartons – I've already seen the packers in action: the moment you turn your back they have packed everything, even my cat’s disembowelled old stuff mice, so better everything is a bit organized before they arrive...

I also pack my plants in my car, which is also going to travel by truck to Mumbai. 

And I start my journey to the “club” with my bamboo as a co-pilot. And today I would certainly make good use of a co-pilot since my GPS does not seem decided to cooperate... Finally it shows me a road, and we (my plants, the GPS and I) get stuck in traffic. 

And then all of a sudden my GPS demands me to take a left. A look at the area and the size of the lane I decide that my GPS has gone cuckoo and I'd rather continue straight. But no, it makes me turn back...  

So I obey (I really have no idea of where I am right now) and take the direction initially indicated. As expected I land in a popular neighbourhood, with tiny lanes where my small car hardly fits and gets stuck between vegetables carts. It smells trouble this story! 

On this the madam of the GPS wants me to take a lane that is even narrower and not lit up at all. Now the story stinks!  

 

I rebel once more and take a left...And I reach in dead-end. Good luck to do a u-turn without damages... I try for a good ten minutes. I sweat like a pig with the effort and eventually I decide to go backward, even if it is not gonna be an easy one either… And there Superman arrives. I am not kidding. A guy (which looks like Sami Naceri, the French actor) arrives on a bike, gets down, asks me to vacate my car: I don’t know how to drive my car and he is going to do it for me! 

 

It is important to place the context... With the rape and murder of that Indian girl – of which I have deliberately not spoken – everyone has become a little (a lot) paranoid in Delhi. So even if I'm not scared, being stuck at 9: 30 pm in a dark alley with four guys around, with a phone battery almost dead and completely lost, let me tell you that I am not too proud... 

 

After a few (many) bangs right and left my hero gives up on the u-turn and decides to go backward. Not a smooth one...  

And then he leaves with my car! I run a little behind; he stops and demands me to sit on the passenger seat: he will drive me. But something is worrying me: how could he not notice that the passenger seat was occupied by a bamboo??  

I'm not too confident about the whole thing but what choice do I have? I have no idea of where I am and driving in this area with hideous and tricky lanes would make me freak out...  

And anyways, it is in my nature to be very trusting... 

So I get in and sit in the back, still not reassured... 

 

He takes a turn in the lane originally indicated by my GPS – I have the mind to turn on my GPS to know if he would kidnap me! 

And then bam, a gate closed. My driver honks, waits, calls out, honks. As he is about to go for another vicious u-turn, a granpa arrives with the key. But grandpa is not really keen on opening the colony gate at this hour. Well, let’s see if he can resist the supplications of a desperate French girl… The gate opens… 

My driver now refuses to let me drive... The GPS tells me that we are really close. He drives full speed. We hit speed bumps big time. My plants are all over the place. Is he drunk?  

He insists to park my car and park it like a pig. But hell. I have the wisdom (!) too shut up!!  

 

As I thank him profusely and offer to compensate he refuses and hands me his business card! 

 

To finish the story, I run to see my friends at the "club". And this is not a superlative. I pass the hut of the guards in full sprint – so fast that they could not stop me for registration. I also run up the stairs and gulped down my friend’s LIT! Then I am ready to tell my story... I can barely speak due to the stress (of that driving in the narrow lanes and of that impromptu driver story)... 

 

After the 3rd cocktail I start wondering about the drive back. Maybe I could call that dude and ask him to drive me home?! ;) 

 

I came back safe and hallucinated by my crazy last night in Delhi! Which I finally left on a beautiful note! 

I may be going havoc these days but I still don’t smoke nor drink and drive – someone must have sung lullabies to me as a baby for these to be so printed in my brain.

Anyways…

The other night my friend tried to convince me to take my car for Friday night (LIT night if you remember) since “it was not too far…”. My friends told me they were impressed with my “self-control” since the other night I stopped after 2 glasses of wine and had food and water before driving back. I think I gave them a shock when I explained that I would be okay going into a wall with my car but would find it difficult to live with the death of someone else on my shoulders…

 

Accordingly last Friday I took a taxi. Now the guy was a young brat, trying to show off, driving like mad, talking on the phone, singing, all that jazz… One has to wonder what is safer?? Him or drunk me driving?? Mmmmhhh not sure… Like this one time I was going to the airport. The driver managed fine in the traffic but once we arrived on the highway, which was relatively empty, he suddenly broke. He had dozed off. And he kept dozing off like 5 times in the next 10 minutes, like if he had some syndrome. And this is so common…

 

So talking of women, drinking and driving, there is this article. So for instance in Chandigarh in 2012 they arrested only 1 woman for drinking and driving against 3 000 men. One could see women going out and having fun as a good thing, but obviously not the Hindustan Times. One woman is spotted puking and the world as we know it is coming to an end… Men are in for surprises in this country…

 

Firstly not so many women are allowed out of the house on their own at night, not many drive, not many drink and anyways, only female constables can check them out and they also don’t come out at night! Still, drinking and driving is not a good idea. Evil tongues might say that it would be even worse with women driving…

 

To finish I’d like to quote the article : “The police asking drivers to roll down the windows before sticking their neck in to sniff liquor is a common sight, a practice they find difficult to follow when it comes to women drivers.” This is hilarious!!

I’m waiting for the day a cop tries to sniff me!!