Indian Samurai इंडियन सामुराई

What a joke! 

I have been driving for a year now in India... 

 

I had tried to get a driving license in Delhi but since all my documents were registered in Mumbai (including my residence permit), I had to give up (but not without spending half-a-day in the Kafkaesque labyrinth of the Delhi RTO...). 

 

I tried again in Mumbai. I first found the driving school and I gave them my papers: passport and visa, French driving license, residence permit, renting agreement and invoice. Obviously there was a snag because since I had moved in for less than a month I did not have any invoice... But I kept my cool, Indian style, I left my papers and came back a month and a half later with an invoice! And 3,500 rupees (about 60 euros). 

 

Then all it took was to harass the driving school so that they would take me to the RTO. Which was kinda of a empty hangar, two desks, four chairs, two antique computers and two people who take your photo and your fingerprints. Surreal. But in 30 minutes it was done.  

I was not convinced when the driving school guy told that I would receive the license by mail – because I'm never home during the day – but it was useless to put up a fight, there was no other option. I told myself that I would go and sit and wait in the Post office after a month if I had not received anything and that would be about it! 

 

Three weeks later, by a beautiful Tuesday, my friends received the famous license at home! See, there was nothing to get excited about... 

The following Saturday we went out for a drive to try out the much awaited license. 

 

Since I have started driving I never had a problem: I adopted the local style of driving so I am difficult to spot ;)  

I got stopped only twice (and only in Delhi). The first time: the cop got excited because I was talking on the phone on bluetooth. I told him that no, I was singing, and when he wanted to take my cell I just left. I think he was just curious to see a foreigner driving and looked for an excuse to stop me and talk to me... 

 

The second time, I don’t really know how but I managed to get stuck in the middle of a huge crossroads going on the opposite way I should have. A little stuck by panic and by all the cars that were coming on me on I stayed still. And when I saw a policeman who was waiving at me from the other side, I took him as a target and drove slowly slowly towards him. When I reached him, I lowered my window, gave him a sweet look, said « sollllly » and continued driving. Here we go, you have not seen me! 

 

Here we are, back in Mumbai. I was driving, happy to have escaped the cops who stopped the vehicles for speed excess on the Sea Link. When I reached the end of the bridge I saw a red light. Which seems to be of no use. So here I was, wondering whether it was really worth it to stop when my right neighbour just went through! Obviously I followed him... And obviously I got arrested. 

 

I was almost happy to hand my brand new license! Except that the cop told me the procedure was to keep my license at the Worli police station and that I should go there and get it later. 

So I lost it: no freakin way! C'mon give me back my license right away. We can’t even see your signal. And why didn’t you stop the other car? I want my license immediatelyyyyyy! 

 

100 rupees (€1.5) later (quite cheap considering all the signals I have missed...), a receipt in hand (yes I did not bribe the police officer) and my license in the pocket we left for other adventures... 

Being stuck in traffic in India leaves you a lot of time to think… So the other day I was wondering whether they could be a link with the way people drive and who they are.  

Of course it would involve a lot of clichés but the idea is not entirely stupid, in my opinion.

 

Udaipur

 Nooo! I wouldn’t dare to say that just because Indians drive crazy that they are all crazy don’t get me wrong ;) Though...

 

But no, I was rather thinking that the only driving rule in India “always look in front. Not on the sides. Never backward” also applies to the way they drive their lives. Always looking forward rather than dwelling upon the past. It is probably partly linked to India economic development where everything (almost) is yet to be done. But I think it is also in Indians’ nature, “not thinking too much (at least this is the impression they give), future-oriented, enjoying simple moments (you should see our executives starting dancing the moment you play music in a seminar)” kind of nature. 

 

To go back to the Indian driving style, it is every man for himself. There is no conception of “collective well-being”, of “if I let this person go first then I won’t block the whole street for one hour”. Same thing when it comes to queuing. Indians do not wait in lines. I think it is because they don’t really care about others; they only matters. Are they individualistic? I believe they are (except when it comes to family) – and who can blame them? With a population of 1.2 billion, you have to fend for yourself!

 

Now you will tell me, who are you to criticise? Aren’t you French? Ah the French… Possibly the worst drivers in the world (or at least in Europe, let us be fair). I loved that website that described us as “impatient, intolerant and even aggressive maniacs with an unshakeable conviction in our own immortality [and having] little respect for traffic rules, particularly anything to do with parking (in Paris, a car is a device used to create parking spaces)” – the rest is even better, I let you read… So this is how we drive, and a bit how we are also no? Complaining a lot, impatient, undisciplined…

 

Follow me in Germany with this blog. At a signal. “To dare challenge [the red man’s] authority and step gingerly out into a completely empty road when he is still red, is to take great personal risk. Not of getting run over, the road is completely empty after all. Bar being struck by an invisible car, you’re safe. No, what you really risk is the scorn, the tutting and the shouts of “Halt!” from nearby Germans. Who will now consider you an irresponsible, possibly suicidal, social renegade.” Wouldn’t that vouch for the stereotype that Germans are very disciplined and love to follow the rules?

 

The Britishers drive rather carefully… To the point that they themselves are more frustrated by slow drivers than over speeding ones! An illustration of the British phlegm and legendary politeness?* 

 

Maybe I got it all wrong but I had good fun writing that post!

 

To conclude on a funny note, see this joke on driving styles in the world:

 

“One hand on steering wheel, one hand out of window. Sydney 

One hand on steering wheel, one hand on horn. Japan
One hand on steering wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator. Boston
Both hands on steering wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror. New York 
Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat. Italy      

One hand on horn,             
one hand greeting,             
one ear on cell phone,      
one ear listening to loud music,      
foot on accelerator,            
eyes on female pedestrians,           
conversation with someone in next car.        

Welcome to India!!”

Sources:

Living in France: http://www.justlanded.com/english/France/Articles/Travel-Leisure/French-Drivers 

Living in Germany: http://venturevillage.eu/how-to-be-german-part-1 

* Living in the UK: http://www.thecheers.org/Entertainment/article_2222_English-Politeness-and-Manners.html ; http://www.telegraph.co.uk/motoring/news/8649662/Slow-drivers-cause-the-most-frustration.html 

Joke: http://www.asianjoke.com/general/driving_styles_around_the_world.htm