Indian Samurai

When labour is too expensive…

And when the monkeys go on strike…

I've never liked my neighbour too much (see our first and only encounter: here) but he has never complained about the noise (of my sound system) and that’s good enough !

The other day my landlord came over. And hold on tight! I think he was hitting on me! It is not too surprising except that he is in his eighties... And so he was, asking me to sit closer on the sofa and all... But once he got really comfortable he started discussing his prostate problems and then, how to tell, it killed everything...

To get back to our subject, grandpa called the neighbour in, his grand-nephew or something like that. We came to discuss electricity bills. My neighbour, a 30 year old lawyer, was really upset: "Can you believe it? If you don’t pay your bill, they send someone to your house and if you don’t pay, they cut the wires immediately. I called to ask them how they dare do this to me? To me! A lawyer! »

Yes you arrogant idiot, lawyer or not, you pay your bills. And if you're never at home like me, you pay them online. Yes yes...

If employment agencies are driving you crazy, try the Indian style:

Sit in the corner of a street, with all your carpenter friends, and wait for work to come to you!!

In India you can go to the vegetable market, furniture market, plumber market. Easy isn't it?

 A story that still makes me laugh…

We all have this ball-breaking customer. The one that always nit-picks, who calls ten times a day but that you can not send to hell because 1. he is a customer and 2. he is a good customer.

But anyhow, every time you go see him, you need to get ready to have your brain chewed for one hour… Call me a masochist, but I go there every month. 

He is about sixty years and ninety kilos.

Last time, when my colleague saw him arriving from far, he whispered “here comes the elephant” (he REALLY is a ball-breaker!).

And there followed a crazy dialogue:

- Me: Hello Sir, how are you?

- He (with a great smile): “Ah? you think so??

- Me: ?????

- He: “Yes, perhaps you are right, maybe I have reduced!”  

- Me (starting to understand that he heard me commenting on his weight): “Ah ben yes of course, it is quite visible!”

  That put the guy in the best of moods for the whole meeting!

 We spent the following hour listening to all his grievances and my colleague concluded: “he was in a good mood today” (when he is in a bad mood, you listen to the same complaints but you feel like murdering someone when you get out!).

  This is huge!! I should use this trick again…

Last Friday (Eid), I decided to enjoy the first sunrays of the end of the monsoon by lazing on a bench on the Bandra promenade (Carter Road).

And here I was. My (recently washed) hair in the wind, my aviator sunglasses on my nose, Sweet Things by U2 playing at maximum volume in my cask. I open my eyes, the sea, nothing else. And then, a head pops up. Then a bare ass. Then two hands pulling up a pair of trousers. Then a second head, a second ass, a second pair of hands.

Fuck man.

What about poetry??