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11/20/2017

Beaten as his own game!

Some time back I was speaking at an event in Chennai, and, as the only foreigner in the crowd, I definitely attracted the attention of the photographer. I don’t know how many pictures he clicked of me while I was sitting, listening to the other speakers… I did not react. Rather I posed a bit, hoping I could get a nice portrait out of it!

In between speeches, we were invited to do some relaxation exercises, including working on our breath. At some point, we had to close our eyes, close our ears and do the humming sound. I was quite engrossed in the experience when I suddenly saw red flashes through my closed eyelids. Was it some supernatural stuff?? Had all my chakras opened and was I seeing the blinking light of enlightenment?? I couldn’t resist opening my eyes, and who was there with his big lens pointing at my face less than a meter away?? The photographer!! Now, that was slightly irritating…

He finished his show later on while I was sitting at my table, waiting for the conference to start again. I could see him taking selfies with his cell phone. And it didn’t take me long to figure that he was trying to have me in the frame! Followed a sort of game where I was trying to get out of the frame and he would adjust his position, shamelessly, for a good five minutes. I let him take his photo, just to get rid of him.

India,photographer,white girls

India,photographer,white girls

11/13/2017

IndianSamourai goes to the dermatologist

India,skin specialist,dermatologist,medical tourism,acneFor several weeks, I had been more and more worried about a new mole. To be safe, the first thing to do is of course to consult a dermatologist. Of course. I asked my networks of foreign ladies in Delhi for a recommendation – my white skin (type 1) is not an Indian skin (type 4) so I'd rather show my thing to someone who has a little experience with type 1 skin – but no answer.

So I asked Google, or rather Practo, a Tripadvisor for doctors. I observed a few things. Firstly: there is a plethora of dermatologists in Gurgaon. Secondly: there is a plethora of highly rated dermatologists. And thirdly: there are not many of them who have studied or practiced in Europe/United States – this specialty may not particularly benefit from an experience abroad. And with this story of skin types, dermatology is certainly not the flagship of medical tourism in India...

india,skin specialist,dermatologist,medical tourism,acneTo cut my story short, I did find a nice profile. Quite good looking on the picture. But more importantly he had studied in London. And from the comments I gathered that he was the kind of doctor who digs quite a bit and look for the cause of the problem instead of rushing into the treatment. I had lost the hope these doctors even exist! So I immediately took an appointment. And there is was, at the door, tall, lean, fit, strong shoulders, weight lifting type, with cute cocker eyes that makes you melt, an type 4 Apollo! Which broke the spell almost as soon as he spoke – though luckily it was not quick well done charm - not by attacking cash on my not juvenile acne bothering me for several months, but in the following way:

- Him: Tell me, what can I do for you?

- Me: I have a mole that worries me.

- Him: Ok. And do you have a picture?

-Me (flabbergasted): uh... no... But if you want I can show you!

India,skin specialist,dermatologist,medical tourism,acneHe looked at the ‘thing’ from a distance (it wasn’t even between my thighs but above my navel), without any light or magnifying glass. Without touching of course – I was far from being in a scene of Savita Bhabi visiting the doctor. And he concluded by saying that I should check with his boss. I thus had to drive another 30 minutes more to finally land in the exact type of skin clinic I had been trying to avoid!! Very Indian, creepy, specialising in laser and hair (Indians can simply not deal with baldness, hair is just too important and in India hair growth and implants is a huge business since with fast changing lifestyle, this misery seems to touch more and more people). It must be my karma!

As for my acne – I had decided to ask the question, since I was finally visiting a skin specialist – the handsome doctor did exactly the opposite of what I was hoping. He started by telling me it wasn't much; and he must know what he was speaking of since he had a lot of acne scar. Flattering but not really helpful. If he had wanted to get the how and why before treatment, he could have questioned me about my hormone levels, the quality of my digestion, whatever, at least for how long this had been going on. Well no, he decreed that it was because of the sun and prescribed me... sunscreen! The sun! Not only my spots have begun their dance in January when the weather was all cold and foggy but even in summer, the sun is so strong that my vitamin D level actually plummets: we hide from the sun here! Anyway, I found a real winner...

11/06/2017

Baby Samurai goes to school

What an ordeal, sending your baby (yes baby) to school in Indian megacities...

india,education,parenting,school,school system,hindi medium,corruption,montessoriSince my son crossed the fateful (it seems) 15 months threshold, the first question I am asked is: “so, he is going to school?” That said, I have a feeling that this obsession with schooling is specific to the people of my residential society, because I was actually told, by the founder of a crèche chain, that in India parents are reluctant to send their children to school before 3 years. During these first years, the child is considered as an extension of his parents, a small animal that needs to be fed, changed and put to sleep – it covers his primary needs without caring for his or her own personality, nor any concern about his/her ‘development’. I must say that with extended families, kids naturally ‘socialise’, hence it is a non-issue. This lady has met is on a mission: explaining to Indian parents (especially those who are working and those who live in smaller families) the concepts of socialization etc. Apparently his sermon reached very well the ears of my neighbours, since all these rich people, exposed to Western culture, look at you like a monster if you don’t put your little one in school very early.

Except that I decided to not let that deter me, and to think for myself, puting things in perspective. In France, for example, crèche is rarely a choice, but a requirement due to the professional activity of the parents and the unavailability of the grandparents who enjoy their retirement and are not willing to get back to full time parenting with a baby. From there, one can find benefits to crèches of course, but a child cannot play with other children until at least 2 years, or even more. Before that he builds his individuality and has no place for this kind of interaction with other humans of his age. I hadn't read anything beforehand, simply trusting to my intuitions, but literature quite agrees with my state of mind. And me, I have had a great nanny, a great house with a park equipped with children at the end of my garden, so I never saw the need to impose car rides (traffic jams) and early schooling to my boy. And monetary considerations were not even considered in this decision, but they could have, since a year in a ‘good’ crèche and/or pre-school costs almost minimum 2000 euros... So I took the risk of being perceived as a bad mother, what do I care?

India,education,parenting,school,school system,hindi medium,corruption,MontessoriThat said, I’m always open to suggestions and able to challenge myself enough, so I did try two local crèches which had a ‘mother-child’ program, when my son was 15 months. I also took my nanny along. After 3 hours, in both the centres, we left with a bad headache. I had expected playing and fun; I landed up in hell, one has no idea how noisy teachers can be. And they sing and they scream, activities one after the other at a crazy speed, not a moment’s inattention permitted to the children: don’t look away, ‘U for umbrella’. They disgusted me. And comforted me in my low opinion of Indian schools which give an exaggerated importance to the kids’ development and academic learning. My baby would have to wait 18 years before going to school! (Or at least 3 years ;) ).

My neighbor, the one I would have liked to become friend with, that I looked up to as an example and to whom I had asked advice when we moved in, lost a lot of points for insisting so much that I put my son in one of these schools where her daughter goes, poor kid.

Except that. My nanny started acting funny. Knowing very well that it would be really tough toindia,education,parenting,school,school system,hindi medium,corruption,montessori find a gem like her, I preferred to look for school options, earlier than I had planned. I selected 4. A Swedish one – but I had to cross it off my list because they don’t take children before 3 years and half (actually my son would be almost 4 and half before being admitted, as children need to be 30 months in April and not a week later), one between home and office and 2 Montessori schools. Montessori was recommended to me by a friend. But beware, in Gurgaon, almost all the schools are named ‘International Montessori Schools’ – even if they are very much Indian and adopt only a few Montessori concepts. Anyway, the site of the Montessori Foundation gave me the name of the only two schools accredited in Gurgaon (not one in Delhi!)..

We were first to meet between a ‘normal’ school. For that, we had to take an appointment and visit outside the school hours, carrying a checkbook (the visit is not free and seats go fast, so if you like it, it is better to register on the spot, the secretary said) and a completely convoluted questionnaire – the question “kids love pleasing their parents; can you give us an example?” made me rack my brain, in vain, and after a few hours, my husband could come up with something... My child is amazing, but up till 2 (and even now, most of the time), he couldn’t give a dam about my well-being, let me be honest. And right after we had to go see the Montessori school which had answered my mail. I didn't like the name, ProductiveMinds, precisely because I was afraid of the pressure of the learning, but well, let us keep an open mind.

india,education,parenting,school,school system,hindi medium,corruption,montessoriOur first meeting was cancelled. A missed act. And for a good reason! No sooner had I pushed the gate of the second school that I knew our quest would end there. Only one classroom, the children of all ages are all together. Each one does his own activities, in silence (no ‘master’ bellowing Jingle bells in the middle of July). A garden where kids can go to freely, with even a vegetable garden. No uniforms. And flexible pick and drop hours. Sold! And I am not even speaking about, ‘small’ bonus, the learning benefits of this education for children... This school makes me happy to live in Gurgaon, that says it all!

Since then, the nanny came to better feelings and Baby Samurai started school at 2 years and 9 india,education,parenting,school,school system,hindi medium,corruption,montessorimonths. And everything went very well! I even got to stay a few days in the class to adapt smoothly (I mean, I got to adapt, not my son who got accustomed very quickly).

And this leaves me at least 2 years of respite, before having to dig into the selection of the next school, which is no easy task. For example, there are Indian and British curriculums. Then you must be selected and prepared to pay astronomical amounts. Education, like health, is a business in India. And not a very clean one, according to this study on corruption. And if you don’t believe me, please watch this movie, Hindi Medium, based on real events and which staged a rich family coming from a modest background who is denied entry to schools and thus pretends to be poor to integrate quotas. Super funny but frankly a little bit disturbing too...

india,education,parenting,school,school system,hindi medium,corruption,montessoriBecause beyond the financial question, there is the pressure on the kids, this race to performance, where everyone has to be the best in class because they are millions (yes, millions, the whole middle and below classes who aspire to get out of the shit thanks to the education of their offspring) behind to get the first place – but what does it even mean first place? Happiness is being sacrificed to the altar of financial and social success. All this without neglecting the extra-curricular activities. I often wonder when do they sleep these kids? And when do they play? Or just spend time with their parents? I hardly ever see any of them at the park…

And then, there is also the whole problem of a lot of poor kids (84 millions as per the last census, in 2011) not having access to education for logistic or cost issues… Or to a not-so-good one…

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