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09/06/2021

A story of wedding, hair, rugby and alcohol

Any resemblance with existing persons is fictitious. Or not.  

Our small family recently completed its pilgrimage to Kerala, organized in order to attend a wedding. (an engagement actually but it might as well have been a wedding so we will take it as a wedding.) I was not sure sure it was a good idea: I was a bit worried, in all modesty, that my little Samurai and I would ‘steal the limelight’ from the bride (‘white people’, especially when they are introduced for the first time, have the annoying tendency to draw all the attention). I was wrong. No one could really steal the limelight from the bride, simply because nobody really cares about anything else than food (dixit my Malayali friends)...  

 

I arrived a little anxious because I had forgotten to put deodorant. And I NEVER go out without deo. A fortiori in a place where it is 35 degrees and 110% humidity. I did try to buy some in a pharmacy but in the interiors of Kerala, forget about it. But there again, I was wrong to worry: the moment we reached, an ‘auntie’ jumped at me and put me straight in the ambiance. She reeked of sweat that had been macerating for some timel! She started to undress my baby, dressed in a cute Indian outfit for the occasion, under the pretext that it was too hot. Without asking me my opinion, of course. No doubt that SHE felt hot to smell like this! Not shaken by her defeat (I didn’t let her go past the tiny sleeveless jacket), she went on – she was in a great shape! – with a nice “your hairstyle, no good”. Flaggerbasted, I found nothing to answer, and moved away. Coming from her, it was the pot calling the kettle black: her hair, already becoming rare, was gathered in a rat-like tail and dripping oil. This I don’t understand: oiling hair to nouristh it, ok. But going out with greasy hair? Maybe they find it beautiful when it shines? Like glossy well polished shoes? Needless to say, I have a problem with greasy scalp, as I do with odorous armpits... In short, this ‘auntie’ who was one of my favorite in the family, did not score many points this time...  

 

After this introduction, I had to face another situation: in India, a baby is not a person but a rugby ball. As soon as they see a baby, arms reach out, they grab him and pass him to one another. I must be a not-so-good scrum-half: at the sight of these reaching out women, one with rotten teeth, the other with a beard and another one without tooth but a mustache, I did not let go of the ball. To be honest, I did not give the ball to anyone, even to those who were not so scary. Just because the three pairs of arms who welcomed us scared me away, feeling totally aggressed. While it is apparently an act of “politeness”, politeness I was supposed to return by giving my child away. Well, I will be honest with you, I didn’t care one bit about going the impolite stuck-up bitch that would not let her baby go! 

And my baby played along and refused to leave my arms. Of course I don’t want him to be anti-social; I just want people to give him some time to adjust to all these new faces before being thrown into the scrum!

After holding on against almost everybody, people left us alone… I took advantage of the new found peace to let baby stretch and take a few steps. No sooner had he a foot on the ground that he got grabbed by an ‘uncle’ who had identified an opening and seized it! He got eventually passed in the arms of four women, who were not even from my husband's family...  

 

The wedding itself takes place in a hall, or a temple hall. The couple are on a stage all along. The ceremony lasts about ten minutes, during which people look at it – if it lasts longer, they may go out and chat waiting for it to get over. Then the buffet is announced! (On that day at 5 PM.) This meal is a little challenge: not only there is a monumental line with 500 people who throw themselves on it, but once you have waited for everyone to be finished to take your plate, these 500 other guests that have now moved on to digestion come and talk to you! You are therefore introduced to ‘uncles’ and ‘aunties’ (polite formulas to address elders, especially in North India), with your mouth full and your fingers dipped in curry. Not easy to remain classy. Therefore, even at the expense to be impolite, I ignored a person or two, in order to finish my plate fast, get done with this ordeal and go fetch my baby back! 

 

Once you are done eating, you have to go on the stage to take a picture with the bride and groom. Otherwise people will forget you came (Just kidding.) It is also a welcome distraction for the couple who is otherwise required to take the most fancy bollywood pauses for the photographer. (Not kidding.)  

 

And this is it; that’s about all that happens in a Hindu wedding in Kerala... At 6 PM it was wrapped up and everybody was going home. Or hide behind the hall to booze. Men only. And in secret.  Even if everyone knows*. Others return home, happy to have a new event to comment! Even if there's not much to feed on, apart from the food and the hairstyle of the foreigner (who caused quite a sensation, not in the right way I’m afraid). 

 

Morality: I will be eternally grateful to my favorite Indian for sparing me this and making our wedding an unforgettable event. And I look forward to attending a wedding in France and have his point of view! 

 

* Statistics show that Indians drink less than Europeans (4.3 versus 12.5 litres per year per person) except that we should remove from the equation women (who do not have the right to drink), pious men (who do not drink out of religious conviction), and all those who drink home-made alcohol, which kill mostly in silence, and sometime loudly (when more than a hundred people die, like it happened in June in Mumbai). Malayali drink 10.2 litres per year, quite far behind the guys of Andhra Pradesh (35 litres). For many Indian States, taxes on alcohol represent nearly a quarter of the State income (22% in Kerala); whereas it is less than 1% in France. This makes it difficult for States to tackle alchool consumption, as they regularly try. Only the Gujarat has been holding on tight, but the black market has been exploding. Increasing taxes (already at more than 100%) or making alcohol illegal is fine but it does not help much... 

 

india,wedding,kerala,baby,rugby,alcohol

 

(1) In India:  http://indianexpress.com/article/india/india-others/kerala-increases-tax-on-liquor-beer-and-wine/#sthash.PNIRO4yJ.dpuf ; http://articles.economictimes.indiatimes.com/2015-05-16/news/62239496_1_total-prohibition-vm-sudheeran-kerala-government ;  http://www.thehindubusinessline.com/economy/the-alcohol-economy/article5436924.ECE ; http://www.thehindu.com/opinion/blogs/blog-datadelve/article6344654.ece 

 

(2) In France: http://www.alcool-info-service.fr/alcool/consommation-alcool-france/culture-alcool-consommation-vin#.VfZl8Jf3aJ8  ;  http://www.insee.fr/fr/themes/comptes-nationaux/tableau.asp?sous_theme=3.2 & xml = t_3203 ; http://next.Liberation.fr/vous/2011/02/17/Quels-sont-les-pays-qui-consomment-Le-plus-d-alcool-dans-le-monde_715595

10/16/2017

When Indians re-invent creativity...

I am often asked to describe Indians. Which is absolutely an impossible task. But there is a trait that I often forget and yet explains so much: that’s jugaad. Of course it is so unique that there is no English translation. But I would translate it by “the art of thinking out of the box and find solutions nobody would have thought of”. Indians are masters of this. Beside them, MacGyver is a debilitating Penguin.

Here are some examples to illustrate.

India,jugaad,creativity,demonetisation,black money,corruption,alcohol,drinking and driving,ruleWhen Modi, the Prime Minister, launched his ‘demonetization’ at the end of 2016, he thought that at least 70% of people would not dare put their black money back in the bank and would rather destroy it, for fear of facing fines, public shaming etc.. He was wrong and had underestimated his compatriots who have found ways to deposit more than 99% of all the notes (source https://www.ft.com/content/7dbe0e14-8d8a-11e7-a352-e46f43c5825d). Including by distributing to the poor around them with incentives (deposit 250,000 rupees (the limit to not attract attention) for me and I will give you 10,000 kind of thing).

India,jugaad,creativity,demonetisation,black money,corruption,alcohol,drinking and driving,ruleAnother example: in December 2016, the Supreme Court delivered a judgment: they banned (Indian authorities have a knack for banning things) alcohol sales within a radius of 500 meters from a main road (national or local highway). This was the result of a 4 year campaign on road safety – ironically enough, the man who led it had been left crippled by a road accident, because his car had gone off-road in the hope of spotting a leopard and he tackled the problem of alcoholism on the road. There is definitely a problem in India, but alcohol remains the 3rd cause of accident after excess of speed and mobile phone.

india,jugaad,creativity,demonetisation,black money,corruption,alcohol,drinking and driving,rule

But let’s move on. The goal of the Supreme Court was to reduce drinking and driving. As a result: 80% of the restaurants in our area have put down the shutter, from one day to the other. But some ‘smart ones’ managed to divert the entrance to the restaurant; something like you have to drive twice around the block to be able to enter, thus covering the legal 500 metres! A weird rule though: 500 meters is not enough to sober up, as far as I know. Anyway on August 23rd, 2017, the Supreme Court relaxed their decision and lifred the ban within the cities, probably in the spirit of focusing on drunk truck drivers, who, surprisingly (or not), are not likely going to get drunk in “pubs” but rather from local dives serving plastic alchohol. Whether the judges were hit by logic or pressure related to the losses of the restaurants who have to shut down and the reduction of collected taxes on alcohol no one knows.

India,jugaad,creativity,demonetisation,black money,corruption,alcohol,drinking and driving,ruleI sometimes face the challenge of explaining Jugaad to the Swiss... For whom the rule is the rule, even if the rule is stupid...

India,jugaad,creativity,demonetisation,black money,corruption,alcohol,drinking and driving,rule

Source : http://www.indiatimes.com/news/meet-wheelchair-bound-harm... ; https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/apr/25/alcohol-rul... ; http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/news/politics-and-nat... ; http://www.thehindubusinessline.com/opinion/measuring-impact-of-demonetisation-in-india/article9459507.ece

09/14/2015

A story of rugby and alcohol

Any resemblance with existing persons is fictitious. Or not.  

Our small family recently completed its yearly pilgrimage to Kerala.

 

There I had to face a situation: in India, a baby is not a person but a rugby ball. As soon as they see a baby, arms reach out, they grab him and pass him to one another. I must be a not-so-good scrum-half: at the sight of these reaching out women - which were not all pretty sights, even for me (so I could only imagine for a baby), with missing or rotten teeth, mustaches and beards - I did not let go of the ball. Just because the three pairs of arms who welcomed us scared me away, feeling totally aggressed. While it is apparently an act of “politeness” to ask to carry my child, politeness I was supposed to return by handing the child in question away. Well, to be honest with you, I didn’t care one bit about going the impolite stuck-up bitch that would not let her baby go! 

And my baby played along and refused to leave my arms. Of course I don’t want him to be anti-social; I just want people to give him some time to adjust to all these new faces before being thrown into the scrum!

After holding on against almost everybody, people left us alone… I took advantage of the new found peace to let baby stretch and take a few steps. No sooner had he a foot on the ground that he got grabbed by an ‘uncle’ who had identified an opening and seized it! He got eventually passed in the arms of four women, who were not even from my husband's family...  

 

Without transition:

Statistics show that Indians drink less than Europeans (4.3 versus 12.5 litres per year per person) except that we should remove from the equation women (who do not have the right to drink), pious men (who do not drink out of religious conviction), and all those who drink home-made alcohol, which kill mostly in silence, and sometime loudly (when more than a hundred people die, like it happened in June in Mumbai). Malayali drink 10.2 litres per year, quite far behind the guys of Andhra Pradesh (35 litres). For many Indian States, taxes on alcohol represent nearly a quarter of the State income (22% in Kerala); whereas it is less than 1% in France. This makes it difficult for States to tackle alchool consumption, as they regularly try. Only the Gujarat has been holding on tight, but the black market has been exploding. Increasing taxes (already at more than 100%) or making alcohol illegal is fine but it does not help much... 

 

india,wedding,kerala,baby,rugby,alcohol

 

(1) In India:  http://indianexpress.com/article/india/india-others/kerala-increases-tax-on-liquor-beer-and-wine/#sthash.PNIRO4yJ.dpuf ; http://articles.economictimes.indiatimes.com/2015-05-16/news/62239496_1_total-prohibition-vm-sudheeran-kerala-government ;  http://www.thehindubusinessline.com/economy/the-alcohol-economy/article5436924.ECE ; http://www.thehindu.com/opinion/blogs/blog-datadelve/article6344654.ece 

 

(2) In France: http://www.alcool-info-service.fr/alcool/consommation-alcool-france/culture-alcool-consommation-vin#.VfZl8Jf3aJ8  ;  http://www.insee.fr/fr/themes/comptes-nationaux/tableau.asp?sous_theme=3.2 & xml = t_3203 ; http://next.Liberation.fr/vous/2011/02/17/Quels-sont-les-pays-qui-consomment-Le-plus-d-alcool-dans-le-monde_715595