The Indian Wedding for Dummies - 6. When things go wrong
The "Indian wedding" (I should say the Hindu wedding to be exact) has made the subject of numerous books, movies, visits to India. In short it’s an institution. I will try here to understand something to it!
With hardly 1 per cent of divorces, do Indians have the “keys” to successful marriages? Could it be arranged marriages?
To finish with the topic of marriage, the divorce! Yes yes!
Indeed, the figures are ridiculously low: 1.1% (source)
Firstly it is only since 1955 that divorce for Hindus is legal in India – which is 86 years after Christians, which was even 15 years before the legislation restored divorce in France in 1884! (In India, the divorce rules depend on the religion and there even was even a law, in 1969, specially for Indians who married a non-Indian.)
Secondly divorcing in India is not an easy task. (Hindu) spouses may divorce by mutual consent (for very specific reasons, such as adultery, cruelty, desertion for two years, religious conversion, mental disorder, venereal disease and leprosy) and only after living separated for one year. In addition, there is a mandatory six-month period of reflection after the case is filed. At the end of which the judge must estimate that the spouses have made all what was in their power to solve their problems (source).
Thirdly, one should not believe that all problems are solved once the divorce is granted: there is no regime of community property in India, everything returns to its owner (often the man).
And as for the pension, already quite low in general, the woman must prove the income of her husband and the tax authorities estimate that only 3% of the population declare their income! (source
Quite a few women must regret, as some point of time, not having born in Kerala (in the Nairs, Ezhavas and Warriers communities) or in a tribe of Meghalaya: they are matrilineal societies where descent and inheritance is by women – in Meghalaya, it is the youngest daughter who inherits property and the burden of caring for her aging parents and unmarried siblings! (source 1; source 2)
Beyond (very frequent) violence and adultery, “incompatibility” is more and more frequently the cause of separation. And that generally refers to a not-getting-along with the in-laws or the spouses’ egos that seem to take more and more space as the West’s influence grows (sourceand/or some sexual incompatibility.
I can almost only hear stories of marriages without sex around me (in India), and most often the man is the culprit, forcing my girl friends to do a lot of other activities to get rid of their frustration!
Already that sex with someone you love needs to be worked on, I can only imagine what it is like with someone you are not particularly attracted to... Especially when it's a taboo, so there is no way you can share it with your girl friends and get reassured, because somehow, women always tend to believe that everything is their fault... While sometimes it is not!
I am quite convinced that a lot of Indian men cheat on their wives (I could take the example of my ex-boss, my landlord, his father-in-law, my sales representatives) and who would they do it with if not with married women?? Well not so many single girls would allow it… It is like if there was a natural rebalancing of life: you get a sexless marriage but you can get sex outside without commitment and it is good for physical and mental health!!
A funny thing is that Westerners associate India with Kama Sutra and think of the country as a sex paradise! While in fact it is nothing like that. The Kama Sutra was written 1,500 years ago and since then the Muslims and then the British invaded the place and Indians became a little ass-tight on the subject... * The 10 most popular jobs in 2008 did not exist in 2004. Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-9FaJPhFxQ