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Porn or no porn??

India,sex,sexpert,sex education,porn ban,porn,child porn,abuse,child abuse

After a smooth start (with the ban of the movie Fifty Shades of Grey) in March, the Indian Government geared up, banning porn altogether. At least online porn. The intention was good – fighting against child pornography – but the execution was, well, not up to the mark, to say the least. Without consulting anybody, overnight, they black-listed 857 sites, some have no sexual content at all; and on top of it 857 is nothing compared to the thousands of X-sites live. As on today, the ban is more or less lifted: the order has been given but it is not clear...

When you read (source) that more than 50% of the children in India are victims of sexual abuse – a small 223 million kids mind you – (and half of them molested by some family member), you get to think that the Government is only attacking the emerged part of the iceberg by targeting child porn and not enforcing sex education programs in schools...

But everything is not completely black! There are people like me who speak but do nothing, others who do not speak and do nothing and the other ones... For instance let’s take Kranti, an NGO that works with the children of Kamathipura, Mumbai 'red light district', and helps Kamathipura daughters to discover see other horizons: Sheetal, Pinky and Shweta all went to the United States, one to study drums, the other for an Art summer camp and the last one to train on psychology. (source) Some of them come back and become activist in sex education...

And then there is the Sexpert, writing in Mumbai Mirror newspaper. Don’t laugh! He also brings his stone to the wall of knowledge! Dr Watsa, a 91 fellow, has been a columnist for more than 50 years, and very recently published a book, It's Normal... India,sex,sexpert,sex education,porn ban,porn,child porn,abuse,child abuseHaving started by giving medical advice in women's magazines, he began to receive letters from women of remote areas, abused by uncles and worried they would not be able to marry without an intact hymen.

In addition to his column who makes you laugh while educating, and which brought upon his author and publisher censorship, threats etc, he worked for the Family Planning Association of India (FPAI) and the Council of Sex Education and Parenthood International (CSEPI). For the porn is a problem, but not for the same reasons as the Government (which think it ‘gives ideas’). Because men would devote more time watching it than doing their wives whose frustration would eventually lead to divorce. (Source; PDF)

Some Sexpert pearls for the road:

  •  Q: Two days ago, I had unprotected sex with my girlfriend. To prevent pregnancy, we bought an i-Pill [emergency contraceptive] But in the heat of the moment I popped it instead of her. Can it cause any complications for me?
  • A: Next time round please use a condom and make sure you don't swallow that too.
  • Q (a very common one): Will my penis shrink from repeated masturbation.
  • A: You talk a lot, does your tongue shrink?
  • Q (about female masturbation, recently emerging questions showing women emancipation): My friend thinks that her breasts are getting larger because of masturbation. Is this possible?
  • A: No. Does she think her clitoris is an air pump?
  • Q: I have a small penis and I can't seem to satisfy my girlfriend. My astrologer has advised me to pull it every day for 15 minutes while reciting a shloka [prayer]. I have been doing this for a month but it hasn't helped. What should I do?
  • A: If he was right, most men would have a penis hitting their knees. God doesn't help gullible, foolish men. Go visit a sexpert instead who can teach you the art of making love.

And a small satirical video on sex education in schools in India to conclude!




The Indian Wedding for Dummies - 7.In a nutshell

Here are all my notes on the Hindu wedding topic: pdf

And long live the newlyweds!

India, marriage, wedding, arranged marriage, forced marriage, love marriage, rites, ceremonies, rituals, divorce, sheet, mehndi, henna, baraat, sex, incompatibility, contract, Classifieds, matrimonials, matchmaker, nayan, astrologers, horoscope, marry a tree, marry a pot, auspicious, date, joint family, Kama Sutra


The Indian Wedding for Dummies - 6. When things go wrong

The "Indian wedding" (I should say the Hindu wedding to be exact) has made the subject of numerous books, movies, visits to India. In short it’s an institution. I will try here to understand something to it!

With hardly 1 per cent of divorces, do Indians have the “keys” to successful marriages? Could it be arranged marriages?

To finish with the topic of marriage, the divorce! Yes yes!

Indeed, the figures are ridiculously low: 1.1% (source)

Firstly it is only since 1955 that divorce for Hindus is legal in India – which is 86 years after Christians, which was even 15 years before the legislation restored divorce in France in 1884! (In India, the divorce rules depend on the religion and there even was even a law, in 1969, specially for Indians who married a non-Indian.)

Secondly divorcing in India is not an easy task. (Hindu) spouses may divorce by mutual consent (for very specific reasons, such as adultery, cruelty, desertion for two years, religious conversion, mental disorder, venereal disease and leprosy) and only after living separated for one year. In addition, there is a mandatory six-month period of reflection after the case is filed. At the end of which the judge must estimate that the spouses have made all what was in their power to solve their problems (source).

Thirdly, one should not believe that all problems are solved once the divorce is granted: there is no regime of community property in India, everything returns to its owner (often the man).

And as for the pension, already quite low in general, the woman must prove the income of her husband and the tax authorities estimate that only 3% of the population declare their income! (source)

Quite a few women must regret, as some point of time, not having born in Kerala (in the Nairs, Ezhavas and Warriers communities) or in a tribe of Meghalaya: they are matrilineal societies where descent and inheritance is by women – in Meghalaya, it is the youngest daughter who inherits property and the burden of caring for her aging parents and unmarried siblings! (source 1; source 2)

Beyond (very frequent) violence and adultery, “incompatibility” is more and more frequently the cause of separation. And that generally refers to a not-getting-along with the in-laws or the spouses’ egos that seem to take more and more space as the West’s influence grows (source) and/or some sexual incompatibility.

I can almost only hear stories of marriages without sex around me (in India), and most often the man is the culprit, forcing my girl friends to do a lot of other activities to get rid of their frustration!

Already that sex with someone you love needs to be worked on, I can only imagine what it is like with someone you are not particularly attracted to... Especially when it's a taboo, so there is no way you can share it with your girl friends and get reassured, because somehow, women always tend to believe that everything is their fault... While sometimes it is not!

I am quite convinced that a lot of Indian men cheat on their wives (I could take the example of my ex-boss, my landlord, his father-in-law, my sales representatives) and who would they do it with if not with married women?? Well not so many single girls would allow it… It is like if there was a natural rebalancing of life: you get a sexless marriage but you can get sex outside without commitment and it is good for physical and mental health!!

A funny thing is that Westerners associate India with Kama Sutra and think of the country as a sex paradise! While in fact it is nothing like that. The Kama Sutra was written 1,500 years ago and since then the Muslims and then the British invaded the place and Indians became a little ass-tight on the subject... * The 10 most popular jobs in 2008 did not exist in 2004. Source:

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