Indian Samurai इंडियन सामुराई

On a beautiful monsoon Tuesday morning, I leave my brand new husband with great difficulties, get behind the wheel and take off to work.

I have not driven for quite some time but it's raining and the chances of finding a rickshaw decrease in proportion to the intensity of the rains... So here I am, hesitating between the usual road, the shortest one but also the most stressful: you need to cut your way through bikes, carts, street vendors, people, garbage trucks; and when all that macerates in mud, it just makes you feel like taking the main road, longer and full of signals but also easier...

To cut it short, I opt for the messy road. I stop at an intersection, blocked by a car trying to make some kind of u-turn. A bike with two cops suddenly appears and they go straight to yell at the driver. Who starts pulling backward frantically, getting dangerously close to my car. Despite my honking, this asshole ends up bashing me! I look at the cops who wave for me to follow the car. And while I think he is going to park to fill up some paper, he just takes off...!

Then I see red. I follow the car, full speed, hand on the horn. We turn left, I do not slow down. We turn right, I accelerate. We turn left. I see an opportunity to take over, I make a move, and I park in front of the car, cutting the way of that asshole. I never knew I could pull out such a stunt!

So I get out of the car, my legs shaking (still under the shock of this crazy chase), and I start screaming “What the fuck is wrong with you?? When you have an accident you stop!”.

And my assailant comes out, apparently as shaken as me, and starts by admiring my driving skills, and then apologizes flatly...

The driver is in fact a very beautiful young girl, who says she panicked when the cops went to her and promises to pay for the damages...

 And here come the two clowns on their bike! Enchanted! They also start by congratulating me on my performance. Take her license. Offer that we exchange phone numbers. Come at my window to say buy and tell me one more time that I am a “great person” – I don’t know if they meant a great driver or a very generous person for not beating up the other driver…

In any case, I can proudly say that they had the time of their life (or at least their day): a pretty Indian girl in a fit yoga outfit and a Parisian bitch with her fancy dress and sunglasses playing Fast and Furious in the streets of Bandra! They were too excited to even think of asking for money...

I may be going havoc these days but I still don’t smoke nor drink and drive – someone must have sung lullabies to me as a baby for these to be so printed in my brain.

Anyways…

The other night my friend tried to convince me to take my car for Friday night (LIT night if you remember) since “it was not too far…”. My friends told me they were impressed with my “self-control” since the other night I stopped after 2 glasses of wine and had food and water before driving back. I think I gave them a shock when I explained that I would be okay going into a wall with my car but would find it difficult to live with the death of someone else on my shoulders…

 

Accordingly last Friday I took a taxi. Now the guy was a young brat, trying to show off, driving like mad, talking on the phone, singing, all that jazz… One has to wonder what is safer?? Him or drunk me driving?? Mmmmhhh not sure… Like this one time I was going to the airport. The driver managed fine in the traffic but once we arrived on the highway, which was relatively empty, he suddenly broke. He had dozed off. And he kept dozing off like 5 times in the next 10 minutes, like if he had some syndrome. And this is so common…

 

So talking of women, drinking and driving, there is this article. So for instance in Chandigarh in 2012 they arrested only 1 woman for drinking and driving against 3 000 men. One could see women going out and having fun as a good thing, but obviously not the Hindustan Times. One woman is spotted puking and the world as we know it is coming to an end… Men are in for surprises in this country…

 

Firstly not so many women are allowed out of the house on their own at night, not many drive, not many drink and anyways, only female constables can check them out and they also don’t come out at night! Still, drinking and driving is not a good idea. Evil tongues might say that it would be even worse with women driving…

 

To finish I’d like to quote the article : “The police asking drivers to roll down the windows before sticking their neck in to sniff liquor is a common sight, a practice they find difficult to follow when it comes to women drivers.” This is hilarious!!

I’m waiting for the day a cop tries to sniff me!!