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12/20/2012

How to make an ayurvedic massage successful

When I arrived in India I could not stand massages. But since only fools don’t change their minds, I learned to appreciate them...        

So… the recipe for a successful ayurvedic massage is: fresh mosquito bites (24 hours max). It feels SO good !!
A small grain of sand lying around can also spice up the session nicely!
Raaahhh...         

However, the drop of oil flowing down the thigh or in the ear, it is up to the level of Japanese torture!           

08:00 Posted in Non-senses | Permalink | Comments (0) | Tags: india, massage, ayurveda |  Facebook | |

12/12/2012

Cooking bananas...

It has been a long time since I posted one of the fabulous exchanges of Ask The Sexpert from Mumbai Mirror. This one dates back November 19th 2012:

Question: “I am 19 years old and my husband is 32. We have sex every morning. When he was out of town for a few days, I masturbated with a banana. Once, the cook saw this. I was too excited to control myself, so I had sex with him. His penis was much larger than my husband’s, so I enjoyed it. During the process, we got wild and I bit his penis hard. Is there a possibility of it breaking? If yes, is there a home remedy for it? Since his penis was larger, is it possible that my vagina has expanded?”

Answer: “Your vagina will not expand. You really cooked the cook’s penis. Fortunately, there is no bone in the penis for it to fracture.”

08/04/2012

I sweat, you sweat, he sweats, we sweat etc.

Conversation with a faithful (French) reader somewhat hygiene-maniac ;)

 

Me: It's cool, the rain has arrived in Delhi, temperatures have dropped, we lost 15 degrees...

 

Him: Regarding temperatures I found online that it is still 32°C in Delhi! So a drop of 15°C would mean that it was 47°C... You wouldn’t be from the South of France by any chance?!*

 

Me: Nope but I’m not joking it goes up to 47 degrees in the summer!

(Thinking about it he must not read my blog so faithfully after all!)

 

He: Ok! With this temperature (48°C) you liquefy don’t you? And I guess there is a local ULTRA powerful deodorant... or a dedicated research lab?

 

Me: (Indian) grandma recipe: talc powder!

 

Him: Just a question about the talc... They put it everywhere??

 

Me: And you? You put deo everywhere??

 

Him: Yeah... ok! You are quibblingl! But I find it "strange" to put talc powder under the armpits! So it's cool in the morning…Talc on the feet! Under the arms! We never know, maybe on the buttocks! Moisture can cause erythema... Can you buy it in bulks?

 

Joke aside, most Indians use talc as a deodorant (it absorbs odours) and it is more eco-friendly.

Even if marketing people in L’Oreal who keep fighting white traces may find it horrible…. In the morning, in the metro, most women have large white traces around the neck... And I saw once a man with the back full of hair and talc. Yuck...

 

* People from the South of France have a reputation of exaggerating everything…