Indian Samurai इंडियन सामुराई

I often say that I find it very difficult to speak about India because whatever I can say about India is true, and the opposite as well. In other words, if I say something, anybody can also give me examples of the contrary; and we could both be right! To illustrate, here are some ‘Indian ironies’ available on the Net (I didn’t write them); I would have loved to find the same about the French but I didn’t…

• We live in a country where seeing a cop makes us nervous rather than feeling safe.
• We are obsessed with screenguards on our smartphones even though most come with scratchproof Gorilla Glass but don't bother wearing a helmet while riding our bikes.
• It is shallow to ask for dowry but prospective bridegrooms should make six or seven figured salaries and possess green card.
• We live in a world, where artificial lemon flavour is used for WELCOME DRINK and real lemon is used in FINGER BOWL.
  
  

  

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• Everyone is in a hurry, but no one reaches on time.
• Priyanka Chopra earned more money playing Mary Kom, than Mary Kom earned in her entire career.
• We'd rather spend more on our daughter's wedding than on her education.
• The shoes we wear are sold in AC showrooms. The vegetables we eat are sold on the pavement.
• Indian parents want their children to stand out in a crowd but expect them to do what the crowd is doing.
• We have to look both ways to cross a one-way road.
• India ranks 6^th in the number of billionaires per country; it is also home to 1/3^rd of the world extremely poor.
• You have to have studied till class 8^th to become a peon; you don’t need any educational qualification to run the country.
• Peeing in public is an acceptable insight; kissing in public is offensive.
• Almost every Indian has a mobile phone; 60% of the population doesn’t have access to toilets.
• Don’t talk to boys before marriage; sleep with the stranger we choose for you.
• Female deities are worshipped; a female child is killed.
• If it is branded, the price doesn’t matter; if it’s from the street, bargain to the lowest price.

Today, Monday August 28, most of Gurgaon schools are closed. Not because of a heat wave, of heavy rain, of a pollution peak, or of an election, not even because it’s time for the annual bath of the elephant-headed God. No. It’s because a crazy fanatic, self-proclaimed God, is going on trial for rape. So why close the schools? Because his fans are protesting mind you! He was found guilty on Friday of two rapes – and the riots following the news have caused the death of 30 to 40 people – and he is expecting his sentence today.

This 50 year old man, Ram Rahim, is the head of a sect, Dera Sacha Sauda, based in Haryana and especially present in the North (Haryana, Punjab and Delhi) – it claims to have 60 million followers. People have been blaming him for his poor sense of style and love of jewels which earned him the nickname of “guru of bling”. But most importantly, in addition to dozens of rapes, he might be responsible for the assassination of a journalist who investigated it in 2002, and the castration of 400 of his advisers. On the other hand, his sect runs hospitals and schools, and takes care of supporting his fans living in poverty. Which perhaps explains why even his female groupies are still defending him.

This country is a little bit crazy!

But you could argue that Madona also has fans who idolize her and would be ready to die for her, so why not worship big fat hairy guys??

Here are some other living gurus who are superstars in India but also outside:

Baba Ramdev – A yoga master who launched the brand of so-called Ayurvedic consumer products Patanjali (successfully marketed as cheap but quality stuff), an empire that today has a turnover of more than $1.6 billion.

Amma (‘mother’) or Mata Amritanandamayi – The Saint who heals people by hugging them. Make love not war – even though her hugs are nothing sexual. Her fortune is estimated at close to $3 billion (see NYTimes article).

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar (not to be confused with the musician) – Known for his philosophy of Art of Living, he is believed to have 300 million followers in 151 countries. His fortune is estimated at nearly $2 billion.

Bapuji or Asaram Bapu – I had actually never heard of him before (and neither had I head of Ram Rahim) but apparently he is one of the wealthiest, and controversial gurus in India. He has been in jail since 2013 for rape, still awaiting trial.

Sathya Sai Baba – The guru to the supposedly magical powers died in 2011. He was also accused of rape to several times, without having ever been judged.

It should therefore be noted that: Hinduism is a fertile ground for the worship of gurus; most of them also have trouble with sexuality – possibly due to the fact that they often advocate celibacy, and are in fact unable to resist their urges (but it will be the subject of another article); and the Prime Minister, Modi, often scratches their backs.

No one knew what to expect about Modi's visit in France last week. Well, it seems it was love at first sight!

About this habit of men holding hands in India: http://www.indiandacoit.com/archive/2013/10/14/why-do-ind...