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07/18/2012

Zumba or not zumba?

My French friend came to visit me in Delhi.

 

She gave me a big kick in the ass, "forcing me" to go out, socialize (I also have been a super wing-woman for her!) etc. The moment she landed, she bought Times Out, highlighted stuff and we were out! Which also created a few funny situations.

 

Let's start with the free trial class of zumba. We decided to meet one evening at 16A Lajpat Nagar. I told her that it was probably a printing mistake; it had to be A16 (and therefore block A). After twenty minutes of rounds, we landed outside a gym (at the A16); the kind of gym where you wish you would never go: in a basement, maximum 40 square meters, a sign that makes the mouth water: 

india,gym,zumba,delhi,politeness

My friend told the reception guy that we had come for the free trial class of zumba. No spark of understanding in his dull eyes. She tried again. He offered us to go to the changing room. We almost did but it was not clear where the class would take place after that since the room was filled with machines.

To cut the story short, I stepped in. As I often say, to be polite, a French has to be extensively polite and make this kind of extended sentences: "Would you be kind enough to pass me the milk please?". While in India, no need  of such tumid questions. The best way to ask for milk is to say: “Milk?”. If the sentence is too long you may lose the attention of the person you are talking to and in any case, it is not rude to go straight to the goal. I have to say, I still find people rude sometimes, but this mainly due to the tone of voice they use, especially when they treat waiters as slaves. But I guess if you have a nice tone, just saying a word is not impolite. So guess what I asked the brainless bodybuilder I was facing?? "ZUUUUUMMMMBAAAAAAAAAAAAA".

Can’t say I had the right tone that time but I was getting pretty irritated by the whole joke!!

And then guess what?? He got it!! "Ha!. No, no zumba here! ".

 

We would not give up. After a long search (a cycle-rickshaw and a ten minutes’ walk), we found the 16A, cursing the magazine for not putting the name of the street (and for once the street had a name!!). We arrived in a nice ultramodern (but empty) health farm!

And, finally, I could not escape my first class of zumba...

07/16/2012

My (yummy ;) ) daily lunch

Many people ask me what I eat for lunch.
So here we go, my lunch (delivered) for 30 rupees, 2 nans, 1 dal (lenses soup), 1 paneer with curry (cottage cheese), oignons:

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07/08/2012

The Delhi monkeys

 This story has nothing to do with real facts. Any resemblance to persons having existed was fortuitous.

 

Imagine a dozen Indians, who left their native land the time of a weekend in the French Alps. Past the first fears (such as missing a flight connection), the first culinary disappointment (not only French food has no taste but above all there is only red meat), here they are, paddling in Alpine rapids.

 

Is it necessary to say that none of them know how to swim but that only one has had the courage to say it, and moreover not to sign the swimming certificate? After this adventure and a tomato (this is the only thing they found edible in the picnic), they are asked to participate in accrobranche (“a sport in which you climb on trees, and the trees are bounded by ropes, bridges in wood, sometimes you have to get through barrels hanging in mid-air”)!

The organizer is clear: those who have never done it and those who are not in great physical shape, should go for the blue route. For the others there is the red and black (very difficult). I barely have the time to turn that all the Indian team is equipped with harnesses and ready to attack the... black route. But of course. When did you do sport for the last time? Never?? This morning?? Good. No whatsyourname, climbing coconut trees when you were seven does not count. So my friends, now we are going to do the blue track and there is no discussion. You crazy people!!

 

Good. I turn my back again and they went to the red track, minus two who have already abandoned - an obese one and a shrimp (for them it was the black route or nothing!). This time I don’t interfere, otherwise I'll really offend them. Let us not forget that we have a beautiful brochette of Indian males who are prohibited to show their muscles, jumping in the trees, by a white woman... I reluctantly abandon my blue track and follow them, you never know...

 

At the third tree, while I am already shit scared and exhausted, we are stopped by a traffic jam. Guess what happened? Nope, it is not my Indians. It is just a big fat South African blonde, who was rappelling down the tree. At the fourth tree same thing. But this time, I witness one Indian, then two, then three, then four, being carried towards land! They are abandoning! Fuck their ego, it’s my turn to have some fun:

  • "Hey guys, so you are giving up??Who told you you should have gone for the blue track huh?”
  • "We are tired, our arms are paining because of the rafting.”
  • "And why exactly do you think I told you to do the blue route?? You don’t think I am also tired?”
  • "So get down too.”
  • "Ah no, I never give up."

And boom this one is for you!!

So I go on with this bloody activity.

 

And a new Indian colleague has just join me on the red track. I did not know her, so I had not dared telling her to let the black track to the big guys. And yet... She is catastrophed because she had to abandon the black course after two failed attempts at climbing in the first tree. She goes on repeating the same thing until I get irritated and tell her that it’s okay, she had nothing to prove to anyone, we are here for fun.  And finally, while she is clearly exhausted, she chooses the "difficult" option on the last part of the route. She ends up crashing into a net suspended in the air (this was part of the option) of which she proves unable to get out (that is not part of the option). Poor little fly struggling in a net... Someone had to go to her rescue…

 

They don’t do things half way these Indians!

And needless to say that the French are crazy, they hardly eat anything (and in any case nothing bathing in a sauce full of fat) and they do tough outdoor sports!